Finding Yourself

#Day33 #indiaissafe #100daysofsoloroadtrip #20Oct2018

Let me take you through an incident I came across today. While I was strolling in Airateswara temple in Kumbakonam this morning, I came across a father and daughter duo. There was nothing strikingly uncommon about them. The girl must be aged around 10 -12 or something and was wearing thick specs. I found a striking resemblance to my own childhood days. The interesting part was that she didn’t take the staircase to get out of temple; instead she climbed her way up. This will be clear from the picture.

Then we both went in different directions – the duo went out and I went inside the temple. After a while, I noticed them inside the temple premises again. The girl was trying to climb on another wall this time. She was scared because she was unable to find a way to climb up. That first step, she was unsure about it. The father kept motivating her and said, “Don’t worry! You can do it. You have to find your way to go up. What are you worried about? About falling? Don’t worry, I have your back. You won’t fall. And even if you do, we will try again, another day. But for now, at least try.” She did try and climbed it successfully. Then she came back down, to climb it again.

I kept wondering if only I would also have got this freedom and support – not to take the conventional and usual route, but to find my own ways. Would anything have been different?

After coming back, i was reading something, and I got stuck with this phrase – “Finding yourself”. And then I thought about today’s incident. I realised I never really paid any attention to this phrase consciously. Because finding yourself would mean I must have also lost myself sometime. So when was it? When did I loose myself? How would that have happened? The feeling that it happened and I didnt even realise is scarier. Then I thought, did I ever really know myself?

I wonder, when did it become such a big thing? I have heard so many people talking about it – “trying to find myself, exploring myself, and so on”, failing to understand how almost everyone is lost and engaged in life long desire to know thyself.

The truth is, we aren’t lost. We just never found ourselves. Since childhood, we have been put under cultural conditioning, judgements and conclusions – about ourselves and others, and family, friends and relatives opinion build our opinions. When did we even get time to stop and think. Before we even realise, we are being prepared to accept things as they are. And the moment we try to do something different – especially in childhood – we are called mischievous. Everything starts revolving around achievements and successes. Failures are taught to be bad and not acceptable. This struggle of “finding yourself” has been going on since long. And still when we become parents, we make the same mistake with our children, putting them into the same struggle again. This causes conflicts too – in career options, relationships, personal growth, etc.

Having said so, I believe to know one’s self, one need to spend time with one self. We need to observe each and every thought, action, and feeling of ours. That is what we call as conscious living. We have to be conscious in every moment and figure out does each feeling, thought and action trickles down to our consciousness or not. This means watch what is happening – to you and around you. For e.g., I went to a temple today and I saw the ants too on the sideways. Now, the ants existed even if I wouldn’t have known or seen them. But when I saw them, I observe their behaviour too. So they became a part of my world too. Observe all this – your reaction to the world, the feelings that you get, etc and that will bring us closer to our own self.

To make it more simple, when we go to a certain place, and we feel uncomfortable. So our heart starts beating faster! That’s what is happening. Observe what is happening to you. Observation of self and the world goes hand in hand only. So, someone who cannot make a sense of himself or herself also cannot make a sense of the world too then.

Our entire system keeps on feeding us things, pulling us towards them and asking us to pay some attention to them. No one ever taught us to look inside. Look ‘here’, and not ‘there’!

Travelling is beautiful! But let’s try to make it a travelling inwards too – even if we can’t travel physically everyday, promise to travel inside everyday 🙂 that’s how we will learn to look ‘here’ too, and not always ‘there’.

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